You are Her

We all have that one friend.  You know the one. The one who turns heads no matter where she goes. She walks into any restaurant, bar, club, grocery store, gym, bank...and men turn. They watch. They smile. They check her out from head to toe and you can see the appreciation and lust in their eyes because they cannot see you. 

You adore her. She is funny. Intelligent. Bakes a mean lasagna and has driven hours to visit you when you were without wheels. But being around her when the men are flocking kicks the shit out of your ego. In her company a man may approach you merely to relay his interest in her. Ouch. So now when you excuse yourself to use the ladies room you abuse the girl reflected in the mirror. Yep, those laugh lines are deeper. The outfit could be more up-to-date. Maybe I should have worn lipstick like her. 

Why do we do this? Why do we let how awesome she is, affect how awesome we are? She is not you. You are not her. Why do we let our self esteems be lowered by the DNA fortune of another? 

 

But wait... She keeps her head up and makes eye contact when she enters a room. She is quick to smile.  She has an air of confidence that must come from always being the most attractive. Or maybe, just maybe, she has an air of confidence that has made her attractive. 

Shoulders back, head up, smile on your lips... and when you pass by the mirror a head is bound to turn... Yours. You are her. Confidence is sexy. 

So this is kinda real....

Warning: if you do not have a vagina, or you are somehow bothered by blogs that use the word vagina, exit now.

Ok, with that censor warning out of the way, let's talk about all the fun stuff your body (one with a vagina) may do when exercising. Oddly none of this was covered in phys-ed or health class.  Somebody somewhere has dropped the ball. I have the ball firmly in my sweaty clutches and will share what ought to be common knowledge....

Jumping is likely to cause you to pee your pants.  Yes, ones bladder and nether regions do get abused during pregnancy, but even before that, women (yes, even young women) can experience a pee leak. What to do...what to do? Wear dark sweat pants. NEVER wear grey.  

Speaking of leakage... Somebody ought to punch tampon and pad commercial makers in the throat. Of course we can do whatever we want whenever we want regardless of the monthly flow....but this wearing white yoga pants is pure bullschmidt. If you have ever put serious effort into a crunch you would know that there is no femine product out there you trust. What to do? See above.  Love me my black sweats! 

So you are crunching...planking...and now go to lift your legs above your head (yes, some people do this) and your vagina takes a big gulp of air. OMG.  Hey, this happens to the best of us... (and even the worst of us, so take comfort knowing that those you detest have experienced this).  You know in your heart of hearts that air will have to come out. But when? And how loud will this 'exhale' actually be? Best advice...workout in the comfort of your own home...or a gym where the music is REALLY loud. 

Usually we know when we are going to pass gas...fart. As a lady, we excuse ourselves, go to the washroom, hold it in, or pass a silent but deadly and walk away blaming it on some random dude, or if we are lucky, one of our offspring ...right? But there are times when we have zero clue that a fart is on its way. This happens when we are exerting a large amount of energy/force. Spiking a volleyball...throwing a medicine ball...lifting a heavy weight...or sneezing. What to do? Die a little inside.  

Sweat. Ok, yes we all knew that sweating happens when you exercise. Long gone are the days that women 'glisten'. The shocker is where we may sweat. Foreheads and under arms are an acceptable given. But how about your butt and vagina. You may have a handle on your bladder, but a serious workout in a light pair of shorts (do people actually wear 'shorts' anymore...?) and you will wonder if in fact you didn't just pee your pants (or shorts as it were). Facing a mirror, feet shoulder width apart, you sink to the ground to complete floor exercises, and then you see it...the sweaty crotch. Yours. Awesome. You ask yourself 'who else has seen it?'...the answer..EVERYONE. 

The beauty of all of the above is that you are not alone. The unmentioned exercise truths have been outed. We are a sisterhood of leakiness and extra air. We can look each other in the eye and appreciate the popular black yoga pant that make up our workout attire. 

And with that, I will sign off with one piece of advice... Do not mix heavy weights, on a full bladder and a cold....just sayn. 

Stay Happy & Healthy

www.jomoma.ca

Tighten up your wallet and your belt

Remember being a kid, and sometime during the day you asked "what's for dinner?"?  You were not the person responsible for putting the meal together. You had very little control of the meal. You were either elated or whined incessantly when the said meal was served. Your plate likely had a serving of all things your guardian deemed 'good for a growing body'.  Now, as the adult in charge of meal preparation it is safe to say you make meals that you are craving. You fill your tummy with your favorites day in and day out. You resolve in January to eat a balanced, healthy diet, but you are overworked and exhausted at meal time and are influenced by your cravings.  This undoubtedly leads to overeating, and last minute fast food purchases or unbalanced food preparation. 

There is a solution: Plan your meals in advance. 

On a full stomach (and of course, after being motivated by Jo:Moma memes, blogs and tips) plan your balanced meals in advance. Grocery shop according to the planned meals. This way, at meal preparation time you are guided by forethought and not a tired mind and body. 

Attacking meals this way will ensure that you prepare a variety of balanced meals (hitting on needed protein, fibre, carbohydrates, fats....and eliminating, sugars, empty calories, etc). If you are not craving Monday's planned meal... Too bad. You will eat if you are hungry. Sound familiar? Not only will you avoid emotional eating (which is what eating your cravings frequently is), it will keep your grocery bill under control.  

Planning and preparing meals you aren't craving sounds like work. AND it is. BUT it is worth it. You will find that eating meals that have been planned to nourish your body, not fill a craving, will give you MORE energy. Of course you have favourite meals. You can still have them, but plan for it and look and see where they might lack what your body needs and make the necessary modification. Both your belt and your wallet will thank you. 

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca 

"my body is just not the same anymore"

It is the same story.  I hear it time and time again.  In fact, I am guilty of sharing the story with anyone who will listen: "my body is just not the same anymore". 

Whether it is due to the passing of teenage metabolism, pregnancy, a new decade (30's, 40's, 50's...),  shift work, or hormonal changes (menopause)... Bodies change. 

You have two options:

 1) lament and do nothing 

or

 2) celebrate, move forward and change with your body

If you choose the former, you will become increasingly miserable. You will without a doubt pull away from activities, increase your negative self-talk, and get swallowed up in self pity. If you choose to celebrate, (perhaps a lofty ideal at the onset), you will reap the rewards of acceptance and self love. Don't get me wrong, you will still long for the days when you ate deep dish pizza and chocolate without  tipping the scales, but you will have a healthy mindset that your present situation will one day be a point in time that you think back to fondly. Sooo...take advantage of the now....you are still in control and it is a wonderful place to be. 

Take advantage of tips and tricks to give you the advantage you had yesterday. The older you get, the more toxins you have ingested, the more injuries you have acquired, the more sleep you have forgone. All of these will negatively impact you and your body. 

We have yet to discover time travel so going back to age 17 is out of the question, BUT slowing down the ageing process IS possible. Similar to time travel that magic pill advertised for fat loss is also a pipe dream. BUT, there IS a way.  It is not an overnight miracle, but it is quite simple and real:

Eat well. This means eliminating sugars, increasing water intake, decreasing alcohol consumption and avoiding GMO everything.  

Get moving. This means, getting up off of the couch/office chair and pumping blood through your body with exercise (increased movement). 

Rest. This means going to bed when you're tired.  

Your body is still your body. You are responsible for the wear and tear so be proud of it.  It will change and it is only reasonable to expect how you treat it will change too. 

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca

T minus 3 months... Hello 40!

It seems that 40 is a big deal.  Large birthday parties, bar festivities, announcements, and celebrations are documented and displayed by my peer group who have hit the big 4-0. 

If I am going to be honest, it is just a birthday. 

I'm not really sure when I stopped caring about birthdays (mine), but I suspect it happened 14 years ago (age 25) when my first child was born. I ceased looking forward to celebrating my years and began celebrating the milestones of my children. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe I am missing the big stuff in my ever so sparkly life (insert sarcasm) while I observe the birthdays of my offspring. (I was going to say document, but I lack that scrap booking gene. It must be recessive like my picture taking gene.)

So, I am going to recognize my future 40, by paying homage to the years I have used up thus far. 

Birth - High School Graduation: a series of failures and successes. Awards, accolades, and recognition for accomplishments. The future bright and mine to mold. Sprinkle in the disappointment of a limited love life, no boobs upon puberty, and no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Survived heartbreak and the dissolving and the rekindling of my parent's marriage. Bring on adulthood!

Young Adulthood. Gawd this sucks. I know no more now than I did as a kid, yet my confidence and ignorance keep me marching forward into a world of childlike grown-ups. I still have no idea what I want out of life, so I marry a man (boy) I have known for less than 10 months and leave home, university and my problems. Great plan, except that my marriage is a rocky one (lasting 10 years), my problems have followed me, my confidence has disappeared, & I miss home. I start an adventure of rediscovering who I really am and desire to be (talk about a rollercoaster ride).  

Ahhh my 30's. I found love. True love. I love me (most of the time...ok, some of the time...I am a work in progress). Scars, failures, and cellulite included (not really the cellulite bit but it ain't going anywhere). I am getting happier in my own skin. I know who I am and what I want (subject to change). I am accused of being outspoken by those who are threatened by people who SPEAK UP. I learn that I am a teacher, a cheerleader, a teammate, a friend, an ally, and a broken person....and always have been. I love being in the company of greatness as it gives me something to strive for and people to admire. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up and I hope I never do (grow up). I often share my ideals, which change with the wind, and I am certain I have a flakiness to me that Tenderflake shortening would admire. 

T minus 3 months and I will be 40. I can predict my metabolism will slow even more, grey hair may make an appearance, laugh lines will grow, and skin will sag. I know that the fore mentioned had better be prepared for a good fight. I do not concede (call it a weakness... I call it strength). I have plans. I plan to help more people. Give more of me to others and to me. I am lifting weights, opening my mind, and biting my tongue (when I remember to do so).  

I still have no desire to celebrate my 40th other than to recognize it is better than the other option (no more birthdays)...and of course, with 3 months to go, my mind is subject to change. 

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca