Train wrecks and fitness models.

Okay, so frequently I just blog. You get subjected to whatever the he## my fingers type. It ought to be health and fitness minded, but frequently it is just my mind throwing up. I would apologize but let's be serious: if you have been following along it is not because of the grey matter, it is more because it is akin to watching a slow motion train wreck. You are welcome. 

Anywho, just to relate to my actual mission: health and fitness, this weeks spew will actually be about, well....health and fitness. Sort of. Maybe. I may get derailed. 

I say it over and over, in either a meme or a photo, or a small post: THERE ARE 100 WAYS TO SKIN A CAT. What I am saying, is that there are a multitude of ways to meet your health and fitness goals. You can go hardcore Crossfit with a Paleo diet, you can get your Namaste on in Yoga and eat vegan. You can run marathons and be an intuitive eater.... So on and so on. ALL will help you reach your goal, in so much as your goal is one of a fit and lean body type. I should apologize now, I have yet to post or provide any information on Sumo wrestling and that appropriate diet. If there is a need...drop me a line. 

Here is the scoop: I am trying to help YOU reach your goal. I am providing a variety of tips and tricks, challenges, ideals, workouts and more; in the hopes that something appeals to you and helps you.  Seriously.  I want to help. 

Am I a fitness model? Ummm...Nope. Have I graced the covers of any fitness magazines or even appeared as a back page reference? Nope again. So how is it that I can possibly help you attain your goals? Try me. 

Look, I am a mother of 4, a previous shift worker, on marriage number 2 (final one too...), 5 weeks away from turning 40, a commercial away from a complete self-esteem break down.... I think I am as real as they get. I am subjected to the demands of children, appointments, extra curricular events, mortgage payments, media, and the fading of my youth (ok fine! Youth is gone!). I understand what most women want to attain in the realm of health and fitness a and the likely hurdles. I want to help. 

I want to help women recognize that they are beautiful. That there is not a perfect mold. We are all different. 

I want to help women be strong. I am not talking Olympic power lifting (although I can help), I am refering to building muscles that move us in our daily activities. 

I want to help women realize that putting themselves first is not selfish, but rather very giving. Taking care of yourself ensures you are in the best shape to take care of others. 

I want to help women design programs that suit them. Each and everyone of us has different time constraints and budgets. I can help. 

Well...look at that.  I sort of stayed on track. I cannot offer a magic pill, a miracle workout routine, or access to the fountain of youth. I can, however, share what I have learned. What I know to be valuable and effective. Help me help you (I have always wanted to quote Jerry McGuire). 

Train is leaving the station, until next week. 

Stay happy and healthy 

www.jomoma.ca 

Confessions...80/20

No, this isn't a full confessional...there are some things better left with the skeletons. However, I will confess I do not do EVERYTHING I suggest for exercise, fuel, and sleep all of the time.  I HAVE done everything but I do not do all of it at the same time. Why!? Well, because I am human. There, I said it. Contrary to the beliefs of my children, I am not a Monster, Witch (well, maybe a lil), or Robot. There are things I enjoy that do not always fit into the 'best practices' for the healthiest and fittest lifestyles. 

I put cream in my coffee. Yep, true story. I have been a fan of the bulletproof coffee where I take advantage of medium chain triglycerides vs. cream, but it takes work; and when 4 kids want breakfast, I opt for the quick coffee with cream. Drinking it black could be a better choice, but I am not interested in better in the wee hours. 

I do not always get my 8+ hours of shut eye. I stay up late sometimes. I enjoy the stillness and the quiet of the house when all children and pets are put to bed. I may be exhausted, but the peace and mental recharge I receive when awake in solitude is heavenly. 

I enjoy cocktail hour. Yep, alcohol is a sure fire way to derail healthy eating. But sharing a glass of wine (read couple of bottles) with friends is AWESOME. It is that grown-up self indulgence that I truly appreciate. 

I skip workouts. Exercise ought not be punishment. On days that it feels like it is going to be a chore, I 'Just DOnt It'. I keep my yoga pants on to hoodwink my psyche, but I don't visit my home based fitness studio. 

I forget to drink 2 litres of water a day. I have never been a 'thirsty' person, so drinking water takes effort. Unless I am badgering others to chug back the magical elixir, I tend to walk the line of dehydration. 

I skip breakfast, unless my main squeeze makes it for me. 

 

I have some pantry/fridge items that are GMO, or contain, sugar and soy. 

My butter is not from an organic eating grass fed cow. 

BUT.... I make an effort to stick to the best routines I can, as often as I can. When I slip on one, I make an effort to be successful on the others (or most of the others...I am only human after all).  

Running away...

Do you ever just want to run away? Thinking about it fills me with a guilt, but it does cross my mind at times. Considering a life without:

Stains. On. Everything. Seriously.  On clothing, carpet, tea towels, grout, walls, driveways, and skin. It is a guessing game regarding culprit and product that caused said stain. 

Garbage. Overflowing. On desks, countertops, porch, and pockets. Seldom in a garbage bag in the garage. 

Laundry. Unfolded. Heaped. Smelling of mildew and outhouse. Never. Ending. Laundry. Lost socks. Pens in the wash. And inquiries of 'Mommmmmmmm, where is my ______?!'  

Meals. Every effn day, these people need to eat. Not just once, but several times a day. Everyone knows where the kitchen is, because they visit it frequently to diminish the stock of groceries and then expect a miracle at meal time. 

Transportation. One car and it is usually with the hubs. Leaving me at home with those I gave life to, who are able to walk but not naturally inclined to do so. Biking to a friends is an unwelcomed idea unless of course the other option is to stay home with me and work on the above mentioned. 

Going to the bathroom in peace. I am still old school. I close a bathroom door when I enter it to use it. Be it empty my bladder or have a shower. I know that everybody and their dog (of which we have two) has observed me in my birthday get-up, yet I appreciate the privacy of a bathroom. I, however am the only one. I am never as important during the day as when I attempt a washroom break solo...unless...

....I am on the phone or my laptop. The moment my attention is needed elsewhere I become increasingly popular. I get asked questions (why do I think kangaroos only live in Australia? How many sleeps until Christmas? And did I know that they have hair in their knees?), as well as emergencies (no milk in the jug, a doorbell was heard, and they no longer like John Deer sheets) spring to life the moment I answer the phone or sit down at my computer. 

Hot coffee. I fantasize about a cup of coffee that can be consumed while still hot. Sitting down, making plans for the day while sipping a HOT cup of coffee without a crisis manifesting in the wings and causing the java to cool. I pour approximately 4 cups of coffee a day and likely drink 10% of it. 

But then it hits me. Like a wall of fruit flies from a banana tucked behind the fruit bowl: 

Without having experienced the stains and garbage and never ending questions, I would not appreciate how beautiful the little things are. I am in high demand. That is something I could not run away from. 

Now, let's see if I can't get a tepid coffee. 

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca

Raising children takes a village ...

Ahhhh, thank goodness I am not raising my children alone (alone refers to the hubby's influence too, but let's be serious, I usually tell him what/how he should be parenting....and yes he goes unsupervised at times and I am still fixing those moments...just kidding, not kidding). 

Spelling

Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl taught my then three year old how to spell 'bananas'. Yup, hooray! Let me hear you say "this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S".  And recently, my 4 yr old has learned to spell a popular rapper's name: who dat? Who dat? You ask? I-G-G-Y of course! Who needs the Electric Company and Sesame Street when mainstream music has it covered!? 

Wildlife 

Did you know that there is an animal with Owl like eyes, a loooong middle finger, runs amuck at night, killing grubs in trees like a woodpecker and is evil (well, omens suggest it is)? Neither did I. It came up at dinner. My lack of familiarity with the Aye-Aye has dropped my value as a trusted source for information. Thanks Cat in the Hat. 

Navigation and landmarks

Are we there yet?! How much longer? I'm hungry! All lovely melodic questions asked by the peanut gallery (not real peanuts of course, cuz those are life-threatening).  If you were to answer, 'soon' or '20 minutes' or 'we will eat when we find a grocery store' the response would likely be met with: 'Are we there yet', 'How much longer' and 'I'm hungry'. However, if you suggest that there may be a treat for those who could exercise patience, then you will find that you have very keen guides. They will point out burger joints, donut distributors, and dealers of ice cream.  (We go to the SAME grocery store once a week, and maybe a crap food joint a couple times a year, yet they recognize the Golden Arches miles away and ask 'where are we?' in the parking lot of our grocery store). Tip of the hat to you evil genius marketers. 

Second language

Ok, I may have some responsibility to shoulder here...but I shall shirk it like any good mother and place the blame on my older children. Child #1 (1st born, not necessarily ranked first) was shielded from inappropriate language. Sesame Street was deemed riské when he was a babe. Now with experienced school yard children now being in the presence of the younger siblings, interesting language gets introduced at an earlier stage. "Douche bag" has been translated to "Shower bag" a term used by child #4 to call out child #2. It is usually fitting, but not necessarily appreciated by other mother's who are parenting only one child.  

I certainly couldn't do it without all this help. Raising children takes a village... 'Get yourself off the ground, Y.M.C A'...

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca