Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans

My four year old, soon to be five, has declared she wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up. Her announcement reminded me of myself. Likely at the same age (4), I too wanted to be a vet. Fast forward 36 years and guess what? I am not a veterinarian. I am not a sportscaster, a surgeon, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a supermodel, a peace corps member, a pilot, or a fishing resort operator. I have not travelled the world, rubbed elbows with the rich and famous, taken ballroom dancing, go-go danced, driven a race car, climbed a mountain, written a book, or dined at the best restaurants in the world. I have never been romantically proposed to, whisked off on a date that requires a distance to travel, won a worldwide recognized award, or been on a cover of a magazine. I have made 'plans' and have not fulfilled them. 

In the meantime, I have attended 4 Universities, in two different countries and two different provinces. I have worked in a hospital, a restaurant, a bar, a resort, an insurance company, a police service and home. I have been married twice. I have given birth to 4 children. I have designed a home that was custom built. I have learned to tourniquet stab/bullet wounds, hold a child who has lost a parent and hold a parent who has lost a child. I have grown my heart, shaved my head, worn a bathing suit in the snow, mended a family pet, done 15 loads of laundry in a day, made friends who live across the globe, coached my children, and taken pictures of them when they have won awards at their school. I have juggled household finances, camped with 4 children and 2 dogs. Danced in the kitchen in my underwear, and eaten 'cookies' the children have made. I am loved. I know love. Nothing I actually planned. And nothing I would change for any of the plans I made. 

I still make plans with the knowledge that something better will replace those plans as I continue in this crazy thing called life. 

Life, the good stuff, is what happens when you are busy making other plans. 

Stay happy and healthy

www.jomoma.ca 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....

Today I officially hate that saying. I can't help but wonder if it should be changed to 'what doesn't kill you today will catch up with you in the future'. 

So we just finished thanksgiving... Which is somewhat ridiculous, since I think the origin of Thanksgiving is fairly awful, and now it has been changed to be whatever a household deems to be 'Thanksgiving' (be it general thankfulness,... religion based,... military acknowledgement, etc). But if I adopt the idea it is a holiday to take stock in what I am thankful for, I know I can come up with a list to be envied. However, I seem to be keeping track of the stuff that may very well kill me (yes, I am being a bit dramatic but that is a writer's privilege). 

Today I sat across from my main squeeze and we looked down the barrel facing us. We are behind on all bills. We have a mortgage payment due in 2 days that we are no where close to covering. We are maxed out on credit cards and lines of credit. We are up the creek without a paddle (or a raft). I would rent the children out to China but they are already too big and too lazy to be of assistance, and I would pimp out my main squeeze accept that I'm fairly certain that is still not lawful (and he may be too enthusiastic). I am told it is these moments that make you appreciate everything when you do finally attain it. Unfortunately when your raft is sinking it is hard to smile and nod with the 'encouragement' of those that mean well, but have both paddles. I have been the face of this household dealing with overdue bills etc. I have been the one to have to answer the phone calls regarding missed/passed payments. I have been the one juggling finances. And now my balls are about to hit the floor. 

It is not lost on me that I have caused this. I chose to leave a job that covered our expenses. I encouraged my better half to do the same. At the starting line, entrepreneurship looked sexy....but a few hurdles in and it has me winded. 

So what to do!? Don't stop I guess. The steady pay job was killing me.  It was killing our family. It may have paid the bills but it didn't tuck my kids into bed every night.  It didn't sit in the stands to watch my babies play sports. It didn't snuggle on the couch with the love of my life. It didn't afford me the opportunity to try my hand at what I am passionate about nor test my bravery to this extent (which is saying a lot given my past job was one where I wore a vest and carried a gun..). I will keep going. I will keep my passion ignited and my chin up. The other option doesn't appear to have a happy ending. 

So, I take back my initial statement. It does make me stronger. It is my workout for the time being. 

Stay happy and healthy

www.jomoma.ca

So this happened. I turned 40.

There has been sooooo much hype leading up to this birthday. Every other blogger has poured out their hearts and lessons learned that have paved the way to big 4-0. I even did my share of thankfulness and soul searching posts. 

I have to admit, the moment my friends of the 1974 era began to have THE birthday I was already considering myself a 40 year old. So when the big day came this weekend it wasn't a difficult declaration : I AM 40! 

40 is a club. I swear. I have never been welcomed into my teens, my 20's, or my 30's with a 'welcome to the club!'  So now I am a bit panicked. I was previously unaware that there was a club. Are there fees? A secret handshake? Levels to be promoted to? 

Based on my celebratory girls weekend (are we even allowed to be called girls anymore?) I will tell you what 40 is:

40 is being able to wear whatever the heck you want...you have a confidence and a delusion that you are still rockin. 

40 is drinking champagne in a bathtub with your girlfriends, because you are thirsty and a queen of multitasking. 

40 is knowing which credit cards placed on a bar top (not belonging to you) will be able to fund your night out. 

40 is having zero game in a club (24 year old approaches and I announce my children are nearly his age)...

40 is ordering a Manhattan and knowing which vermouth was used. 

40 is knowing that a pair of shoes will make or break your night. 

40 is having a bedtime plan to ensure tomorrow doesn't hurt as much. 

40 is getting a cold/sinus infection after a weekend of late nights. 

40 is knowing who your friends are, the benefit of a great smile, the value of a good cup of coffee, and the knowledge that the next decade will outshine all those preceding it. 

So, to those in the club: thanks for letting me join. I'm ready. 

Stay happy & healthy (get sleep...)

www.jomoma.ca