So we just finished thanksgiving... Which is somewhat ridiculous, since I think the origin of Thanksgiving is fairly awful, and now it has been changed to be whatever a household deems to be 'Thanksgiving' (be it general thankfulness,... religion based,... military acknowledgement, etc). But if I adopt the idea it is a holiday to take stock in what I am thankful for, I know I can come up with a list to be envied. However, I seem to be keeping track of the stuff that may very well kill me (yes, I am being a bit dramatic but that is a writer's privilege).
Today I sat across from my main squeeze and we looked down the barrel facing us. We are behind on all bills. We have a mortgage payment due in 2 days that we are no where close to covering. We are maxed out on credit cards and lines of credit. We are up the creek without a paddle (or a raft). I would rent the children out to China but they are already too big and too lazy to be of assistance, and I would pimp out my main squeeze accept that I'm fairly certain that is still not lawful (and he may be too enthusiastic). I am told it is these moments that make you appreciate everything when you do finally attain it. Unfortunately when your raft is sinking it is hard to smile and nod with the 'encouragement' of those that mean well, but have both paddles. I have been the face of this household dealing with overdue bills etc. I have been the one to have to answer the phone calls regarding missed/passed payments. I have been the one juggling finances. And now my balls are about to hit the floor.
It is not lost on me that I have caused this. I chose to leave a job that covered our expenses. I encouraged my better half to do the same. At the starting line, entrepreneurship looked sexy....but a few hurdles in and it has me winded.
So what to do!? Don't stop I guess. The steady pay job was killing me. It was killing our family. It may have paid the bills but it didn't tuck my kids into bed every night. It didn't sit in the stands to watch my babies play sports. It didn't snuggle on the couch with the love of my life. It didn't afford me the opportunity to try my hand at what I am passionate about nor test my bravery to this extent (which is saying a lot given my past job was one where I wore a vest and carried a gun..). I will keep going. I will keep my passion ignited and my chin up. The other option doesn't appear to have a happy ending.
So, I take back my initial statement. It does make me stronger. It is my workout for the time being.
Stay happy and healthy
www.jomoma.ca
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