Groundhog Day

No this isn't a late/early February post. I am stuck in a rut. Not a routine that warrants mimicking or envy...a brutal effn rut. Yep, I said effn. 

Look, I know.  I have posted and created memes that have promoted the notion: "if you want something to change, then you must make a change...". I guess I was just hoping I would somehow be discovered. I was hopeful the right somebody would have seen my new business venture and promote the hell out of me. Success. Wealth. Notoriety.... You know, the whole bit. Welllllll, to date that hasn't happened. I am shocked too! (Ok...maybe not shocked, but perhaps a little bummed).  

I have not been living under a rock. I know that save for a few overnight successes, and lottery winners, what I want to achieve takes work. In fact, the word achieve would suggest that there was effort involved. And yet I am in a rut. Every night, when I snuggle into bed (usually a bed vacated by one of the kids who has taken up hibernation in my bed), I plan. I pep talk. I visualize the day I want to have tomorrow, and the person I want to be. And then I wake up...typically minutes before my alarm is set to go off and I am already not going to meet my goals. Wtf. If I was working for anybody but myself, I would be the employee of the year. I would have all tasks completed before the boss had finished their 1st coffee and I would be blazing trails to impress and promote my colleagues and management. So why do I let myself down?

I have been telling myself that the past 15 years I have burnt the candle at both ends and now my reserves are depleted. I have told myself I deserve to do nothing. I deserve not being responsible to someone else. But I know it is a lie. I have 4 kids. I have a spouse. I have a mortgage...bills...I am far from a position of not being responsible.  Now is the time. Now more than ever, it is me that needs to shine. I need to promote me.  

Not waiting for tonight's self pillow talk. 

Actions speak louder than words. So here it is. In words: watch me. Watch out world. I have lit a fire that will destroy this rut.

Stay happy and healthy

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