Overwhelmed

I am at that age where I check and balance. How am I doing? Are my goals big enough that they scare me, or am I struggling to see the forest through the trees? 

I can remember being in grade 4, wondering how life would be different when I was a grown up. Wondering if I would feel any different. 

To my grade 4 self:

Stop being in a hurry to grow up. The bullies you want to escape, the independence you want to gain, the older self you can't wait to meet will always be in your future. The bullies change form, independence can be lonely and costly, and you will always wonder if you have a future self that will differ from your present one (a better more polished version). 

I am finding lately that I am overwhelmed... emotionally overwhelmed. I am able to look at my children and remember being their age. I can recall the dilemmas and the joys that played out in my world at that time. I want to be able to push pause for my kids so that they can soak it all in. Ingest it. Appreciate and learn. But I can't slow down the clock for them anymore than my parents could for me. I remember my folks telling me to enjoy 'it' (whatever it I was experiencing at that time); and only after it had passed did I wish I had taken their advice. I think that is why I am feeling overwhelmed right now.  Although I am at the base of some mountains I need to summit, I can't help but wonder if I am missing something beautiful while I am in a hurry to climb upwards. So I pause. 

I pause and 'feel' everything. No, I am not molesting my environment, I am letting myself experience the hurt, the joy, the comedy, the drama, ... of each moment as it flies by. I cry at the tragedies and the beautiful moments equally...even if they don't belong to me. I feel an overwhelming desire to scoop up the world in my arms and hug it until it is better. Or maybe...until I am better. 

Check: At my age certainly I ought to be more successful. Certainly I should have more accolades and less insecurity. Certainly I should be MORE. 

Balance: The people I get to call friends are outrageously successful. My children are bright, athletic, talented and driven. I am surrounded by MUCH. 

To my 40 year old self: it's ok to feel, just don't stop moving your feet. 

How do you climb a mountain...one step at a time...keeping your head up. 

Stay happy & healthy

www.jomoma.ca

Cropped tees and thongs...

I follow a variety of health and fitness personalities, bloggers, trainers, gurus, .... And I am feeling a little overwhelmed with all the lingerie pics of ladies exercising. Small sports bras (or rather, torn tight cropped tee-shirts), short shorts (cross between a boy short and a thong, aka panties), and sometimes, because let's face it, showing your calves would be pushing it, knee-high socks (hooray for modesty).  

Before I get comments that I am 'shaming' women for their workout attire, let me be clear: If you can get your sweat on in your sexy time clothing in a gym or on a track (or wherever you build that smokin' body), all I have to say is WOW! I am not that brave... I fear that without my track pants, & baggy t-shirt I will be served papers to attend court for indecent exposure. 

I cannot imagine the stress I would be under waiting for the inevitable: my butt to swallow up part of those teeny tiny shorts, or my cropped shirt to lose its focus on covering my breasts and sliding up exposing boobies that have nursed 4 babies (**all babies were my own). I have enough trouble keeping my hair tied back (why the heck did I think bangs would look good) and my runners double knotted, than to worry about if I am hairless enough, tanned enough, and dehydrated enough to rock the workout bikini. 

STOP YELLING AT ME (those of you who are now upset that I am suggesting these beautiful, 3/4 naked, beastmode fitness fashionistas are narcissistic...), I am just highlighting that I frequently have pokey legs (not slow...but prickly, thank you child #3), a fierce fish belly tan (on a positive note, I could flag planes if stranded), and retaining something or an other (usually food...but let's say water). I will happily don a bikini on the beach, around the pool, or taking the dog for a walk (just making sure you are paying attention)...but in those situations I am not lifting, pushing, pulling, stretching... I am hanging onto the said suit with both hands for dear life because I know a kid somewhere is lurking, waiting... (We have all been there, playing in the pool, swimming with a child and then realize some part of your bathing suit has been removed, liberating you for all to see). I expect this....but not when I am bench pressing, or deadlifting (oh the horror!). 

Track pants, t-shirts (size BIG), and ankle socks (I am a bit of a floozy) are what I need to get my workout on. You are welcome. 

Stay happy & healthy 

www.jomoma.ca