Always have been. I have always put too much value in what others thought about me. What others have said about me. What others have said to me. So much so, that I have spent a disproportionate amount of my time acting like I don't care. Yelling from the mountaintops that I am strong, I cannot be hurt! Professing that all that matters to me is what I think of myself. Well, that's total bullshit. I am still the nine year old who's heart breaks when I feel I am un-liked. Believe it or not, I loathe drama. I love love. I can talk a big talk and get as nasty as the best of them, but it is an act. I can act like any character. That 'talent' was useful in building a wall against the reality of growing up. It was useful in a past career where the need to 'relate' to anyone meant life or death. However, it doesn't mean I don't feel.
I am sensitive.
I just got un friended on Facebook. As far as being "un friended" goes, it was a brutally honest 'unfriend'. I received a message that informed me that they were unfriending me. It wasn't a silent push of a button where you notice months later that they are a "people you may know", and you think "hunh,? I thought we WERE friends...?". This was an honest notification. So, I sent a text, apologizing for anything I may have posted that offended and I was advised that it wasn't me....The unfriending was due to all the body obsessing and how it was in opposition to how they thought. This I can totally appreciate. EXCEPT that, that is NOT what I post. At least, not what I thought I was posting. I share links where beauty is being redefined. I follow pages and bloggers that support health and fitness, NOT sensationalized ridiculous body images. I agree with my now 'unfriend' that we train our bodies with a goal to be fit and strong. And yet somehow, I have been misinterpreted.
I am sensitive.
So now I question what the hell I am doing. I launched Jo:Moma to share tips and tricks. To redefine beauty. To change how we view exercise and food. My personal page has similar links plus family videos, zany pics, and updates of my less than perfect life. I am still the 9 year old looking to be accepted.
I am sensitive.
You, ... all of you, are awesome. Truly. You decide how happy you want to be. Nobody else should have that much influence in YOUR life. So until I am the person who can confidently walk around without letting the world dictate how I feel, I will endeavour to help you be that confident, strong person. AND if that means you need to unfriend me... Do it.
I am sensitive.
Stay happy & healthy (I mean it)
www.jomoma.ca
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