My brother in-law and sister in-law are tying the knot next month. They have been together forever, that I think we all sort of thought they were already married. Anywhoooooo, with impending nuptials just around the corner, the bachelor and bachelorette parties are tomorrow. I decided that my sis in-law should have one, and since her maid of honour lives in a different country and her remaining bridesmaids are her own daughters...I offered to organize.
First off, I have hardly ever been a bachelorette (was engaged at age 20 to the 3rd boyfriend I had had, and then when that didn't work out <surprise surprise>, I got married again..) so my reference is based on stories and urban legends. Who better to plan/host a bachelorette party than me right!?
The bride-to-be is not new to being a woman. She is a mom of 4 girls, a big wig marketing exec, and has class (the good kind). So where better to shop for party thingies, than a store that has tons of 'thingies'.
I'm not sure what I expected from the Love Shop. I think if I had been polled about it, I would have said I would go there with my main squeeze (a sexy date or what have you)...But instead, wearing my sexiest attire (Run DMC teeshirt and million year old jeans) and a need to get loot for the party, I limped my way to the car and made the trip into the BIG city (Guelph...it has a Love Shop right on its border presumably for us small town folk).
The store has a plethora of windows that are plastered with brown paper and newspapers so you are left guessing what is inside. Like a present. BUT NOT A PRESENT.
I opened the door, fully expecting a doorman asking to see my ID (sign says only those 18 and older are allowed entry), but there was only a really dark store to greet me. I stood for several minutes allowing my eyes to adjust from the brightness which was the outdoors, to the pitch that was now my shopping adventure. For those that do not know me: I don't enjoy shopping. I never have. Looking on shelves, racks, etc for deals/products makes me a crazy person. Soooo, here I am...shopping.
I knew there would be some penises for sale. This was not a shocking discovery. What blew me away (no pun intended), was HOW MANY penises were for sale (I did not see any for rent, so that's good news). Ranging in sizes as little as ones you would assume were for Barbie and Ken, to others that could double as Gargoyles on some mansion somewhere. And if I wasn't wondering enough about the gargoyles, I was perplexed by the array of colours. Don't get me wrong, I think it is very thoughtful to have a wide selection of flesh tones. But fluorescent green?! I have to say, if a penis is fluorescent (any colour, I'm not just picking on 'green')... It needs medical attention...STAT.
So after, being a little lost in the role play section (I found a nurses costume so perhaps that's where the green penis gets treated), I finally found the party accessory section. There are so many games I didn't realize were legal...or played with cards. I was able to grab a few things that may be suitably unsuitable for the party goers and made very little eye contact with other shoppers (lesson learned: don't EVER look into the room labeled MOVIES and politely smile...at ANYONE).
And now I am home. With another life experience that I can cross off the ol' bucket list (it was never on my list, but it is nice to feel like I got something done). My only question: should I wash my purchases before I hand over to guests and place on heads? 'It's Tricky'. (<see what I did there?)
Stay happy & healthy (always wash your hands)
www.jomoma.ca
Dear readers: let me put this in perspective for you. The Simpsons (television cartoon program) came into existence when Sara was in her early teens, I think, and I, being the good mother, forbade her to watch it. She was a good kid (mostly) and did what I said. In fact, to my knowledge, she had not watched it up to this day. So it would be a safe assumption to think she is less than worldly.
ReplyDeletePS -- I don't want you watching 50 Shades of Gray either, though it would probably explain some of the 'toys' you found during your exciting adventure, Jo.